I Didn’t Get the Job. Again.

If you’ve read my book In Every Situation, God is There you probably don’t remember Chapter 10. Why do I say you probably don’t remember? Because it’s probably something you read and then forgot but it’s a chapter in my life I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

I have to admit, I had to look at a copy of the book to see what chapter it really was but I remember the day, the emotions, the rain and the tears. I remember wanting something so much but I didn’t get it. I remember seeing the wall of rain come towards me from across the field as if the Lord almighty was crying with me even though He was the One who said no.

I remember trying to accept this answer and keep the faith- believing His promises for my life in spite of what I saw. The whole dying to the flesh and it’s desires seemed to be felt deep in my bones. What I wanted and what my Father wanted for me were two different things and that isn’t always easy to come to terms with.

After a while I realized and was shown why I didn’t get the job. Time heals some wounds better than others and eventually I was ok. Or maybe I really haven’t been. Maybe that is why when I think of all the chapters in that book, all the good things about Jesus in there, this one chapter still cuts me to the core.

In not getting that job, I was able to better care for my daughter as she struggled with a seizure disorder. I was able to be available for others. I was able to get chapter 10 and a hard lesson to learn:

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 NKJV

It’s funny that even until just now, as I make sure I’m getting the verse right, that I look at this passage of Scripture in a different light. I usually concentrate on the first part, the part before the comma. That focuses on my self. That feel-good stuff we want for ourselves. As I look at the second part of that verse I saw I had to italicize the word His. HIS purpose, not mine!

That is what this life, my life, is supposed to be about.

Another funny thing- I used the same verse in the book.

So why am I bringing up old stuff? Well, a while back someone told me of a job opening. I applied and said, “If the Lord wants me to have this job then I will get it. If I don’t, that’ll be ok too.” (Lie detector test determines that was a lie 😳.)

I counted up the hours I’d have to work and thought of being confined to one place every day. It almost made me suffocate, yet it wouldn’t be as strenuous as what I do now. I guess a piece of me also thought it’d be nice to be somewhat of a “professional” or a more glamorous title than house cleaner.

As I filled out the application I thought, “Who am I kidding! I’m struggling to fill this out. How do I think I can do this job!”

Days, then weeks passed by. I finally asked the woman who told me about the opening. She said they’d hired one and she hadn’t heard about the other position being filled. I blew it off as I thought those suffocating thoughts again.

Then there was yesterday. I opened the mailbox to find a letter addressed to me. It took me back to years ago. Same mailbox, less anticipation. It seemed I already knew the answer I’d come to terms with but it turns out this was just tearing off a scab.

There were the same familiar words I’d seen before:

The only thing I can figure out is that it’s a shot to my pride. I hear the words, “Better yourself” and, “Why are you satisfied with the mediocre life?” So when I try to “climb the ladder of success” I only seem to get shot down.

That is what I hear when I am thinking of myself. Over the years, after I was rejected that first time, I met some amazing people. The Lord has allowed me to be available to not only them, but to many family members, even friends, at different times. It’s not any glory for me to receive, but for the Lord alone. It is for HIS purpose.

I guess I wouldn’t have even realized this today if I wouldn’t have sat down and been obedient – blindly obedient. If I wouldn’t have heard that still small voice that said “Write.”

If I wouldn’t have gotten on Facebook to see someone that shared a post that I had shared. If I wouldn’t have opened a message of the sister of one that shared the post.

I worked for their mother for a few years. She passed away last summer. I’ve had a hard time with accepting her passing because it was sudden and unexpected. I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye.

Her daughter has held on to something of her mother’s that she is going to give to me. She messaged me this morning asking me if I wanted to meet her today so she could give it to me. It’s something I asked for- a white spatula I always used at her house. Silly thing to ask for maybe, but not really- not in my heart.

These things reminded me this morning of what is really important: ALL things work together for good, right? Of course they do when you love God and it’s according to His purpose.

The Lord doesn’t make mistakes. It’s not my desire to hold that position I applied for- both of them. That isn’t the main job I applied for that I really want. I want to serve God. I want to write. I love to write! So I did get the job I wanted. I am working right now and the pay- it blesses me more than anything else I can think of.

It purifies me. It encourages me. It sets me free! I hope it’ll do something for you too.

May God bless you and speak to you through His Living Word.

Thank you for reading 🙂