Yesterday I thought, “Why am I even doing this?” I’m not even a week in and I was already so discouraged with blogging. They say post on Instagram. I haven’t even tried that one. Twitter? I have an account somewhere out there in cyber space but I just never really got it. If I want to make it in the writing world, I’m going to have to take the proper steps. I just have to pray that God will grow it and I already know that writing grows me.
They say patience is a virtue, right? I’m writing about waiting on God’s timing, yet I’m ready to throw in the mop and bucket and write for a living RIGHT NOW! I have a lot of passion when I start doing something, whether it be painting, making wreaths, wood burning, selling stuff, cleaning, etc., but this is different. Writing is from the very depths of the heart. It becomes discouraging, to say the least, when you pour out your heart but don’t see a lot of interest- especially the people you would hope would support you the most. Selfish, I know. Human, yes, that too.
I even went to bed early last night. My back hurt, I was sad. Actually I was heartbroken. But then I typed in the search bar, “when your discouraged about your Christian blog”. (Yes, I randomly Google things but I find a lot of answers.) My search sent me to a fellow Christian blogger’s post. IT WAS AWESOME! It was just what I needed! It hit many points and reminded me “there is no new thing under the sun”(Ecclesiastes 1:9 b). Every blogger gets discouraged. Every blogger looks at numbers, but it isn’t about numbers. If God says write, then you write, right? Right!
The funny thing about it is, I started a blog over a year ago. I created the cover page, then it got a little harder so I quit. That is one thing I am good at – quitting. That isn’t good.
This past June I had been thinking about writing again. After all, I write all the time. It may just be a sentence or an idea that I jot down that may not go anywhere but on the top shelf with all my other thoughts. So, I created this blog right here, got confused and stepped away. I watched two different movies around the time I started this, and to my surprise both of them were talking about writing and blogging. I felt it was the Lord speaking to me, yet again, but I quit (yet again).
Fast forward to mid August, last week. The day before my first blog post I Googled my website and there it was! I thought I deleted it and there it was just sitting there. Blank. So I grabbed my laptop and started typing.
A couple of days later I figured out how to make my little icon for my blog. It was so tiny, yet so huge to me! I decorated it up like I paint my toenails in the summer- with all sorts of colors spotted up all cool looking (to me and some of the gals in my family anyway). I was so excited and overcome with joy that the Lord had helped me figure this stuff out. I just sat and cried and thanked Him. I am not one to figure this kind of stuff out so I know it was only made possible because of Him.
How quickly my emotions change. There’s a lot I don’t know but I realize that doesn’t mean I can’t change that and grow instead of doing the usual – quitting. I enjoy doing this! And what a humbling experience that God would speak to someone like me and to help someone like me, with all my imperfections I can’t hide from Him. So I’m thankful for this experience. I’m thankful I can work for Him in this way. It’s an offering. It’s all I’ve got to give right now and in His time all will be made right! If God is in control of all things and I’m doing this for Him, then I guess I should think this is already right.
If you have a dream, go after it! Sometimes I feel silly being a small town girl wanting to be a “real” writer, but hey- “all things are possible to him that believeth.” (Mark 9:23) – And Jesus said that so I’m going to go with His answer.
Thank you all for reading, sharing and encouraging me to continue on with my dream! May God bless you!
3 thoughts on “Why Am I Even Doing This”
I love this!! I saw you go girl. My low tech brain almost no tech limits my abilities to respond. This is my second time to write a comment on this one, not sure the first one went through. This time I signed in made a new password an I think it works. You can do this you are young and doing great!!!
Thank you Mrs. McClanahan! I’m still not understanding why you have to sign up as a blogger to comment, but I know you had to take the time to do it just to encourage me. That means so much to me! Thank you for reading my posts and joining me on my journey!
I always love what you write! You are a real person with real feelings. And you don’t mind writing about your failures as well as your triumphs! You are a child of God, He has given you a wonderful talent & I’m so glad you share it with me (well, other people too! Lol).
LikeLiked by 1 person